


Never Have I Ever...Been In Love Before

by PrettyInSoulPunk



Category: Never Have I Ever (TV)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety Attacks, F/M, Fluff, Getting Together, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-19
Updated: 2020-09-19
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:49:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26533144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrettyInSoulPunk/pseuds/PrettyInSoulPunk
Summary: Because I live for writing alternate scenes, this another way that episode 8 could have ended. :)
Relationships: Ben Gross/Devi Vishwakumar
Comments: 8
Kudos: 62





	Never Have I Ever...Been In Love Before

"Fucking idiot," Devi hears Ben curse while she's rushing out of his screening room as fast as her legs can carry her. Just as she and Ben were finally starting to become friends, he had to go and make things weird by trying to kiss her.

 _Twice_. 

She was confused at first, but then she could smell the heavy mix of alcohol on his breath when he leaned in. Obviously he was drunk, it's not like Ben Gross actually _wanted_ to kiss her. 

"Just because you're in love with her doesn't mean she would give you the time of day," Ben mutters to himself which stops Devi cold in her tracks.

"Say _what_ now?" Devi gasps as she spins on her heel and charges back into the room. 

"Fuck," Ben groans as he leans forward until his head is positioned between his knees. "Please tell me I didn't just say that out loud," he wheezes, rocking slightly as he tries to regulate his breathing. 

"You did," Devi confirms as she sits back down and starts rubbing his back gently. "Don't worry about that, okay? Just focus on breathing." She instantly recognizes Ben's behavior as the beginnings of an anxiety attack, which she hopes that she can help ward off before it intensifies. Devi knows from firsthand experience how much they can suck, although she has them a lot less frequently now than when she first lost her father. 

"Everything is okay, I promise," she whispers and it seems to help calm him down a bit. "You don't have to say anything, just breathe for me, please."

Ben gives her a quick nod since he can't seem to find his voice, and Devi doesn't pressure him. Instead, she continues to rub his back, while trying to keep a respectable distance so he doesn't feel like he's being smothered. 

They sit in companionable silence for what feels like an eternity before Ben finally speaks.

"I'm okay," he answers after a moment or two, once he's able to sit up again. "Thanks, David," he adds as he looks up and flashes her a genuine smile. 

It makes Devi feel warm all over because Ben never smiles like that for anyone else, she realizes. They may have been rivals up until recently, but lately, Ben has been a pretty solid friend. Dare she say a _best_ friend, even? Not that Devi doesn't adore Eleanor and Fabiola, but she's got a long road of friendship reparations ahead of her before they'll likely be on speaking terms again.

"You're welcome," she smiles back as she moves her hand up to Ben's shoulder and gives it a squeeze. "Promise you're okay?"

"I promise," Ben says. "I mean, aside from being the world's biggest idiot." 

"You're a lot of things, Ben, but an idiot is not one of them. Dense as a fruitcake, maybe, but not an idiot."

Ben makes a disgusted face. "Fruitcake, seriously? That's the best you can do?"

"Osmium then?" Devi offers.

"That's more like it. Also," Ben adds while regarding Devi intently "am not."

"Are too," Devi counters.

"Am _not_ ," Ben insists as he leans forward.

"I'm demoting you back to fruitcake," Devi fires back, but she doesn't pull away.

"You're such a royal pain in my ass," Ben mumbles as he inches closer. 

"The feeling is quite mutual," Devi grins. "But if you try to kiss me again, I'm going to break your nose."

"Oh," Ben blushes as he pulls back. "Sorry, I wasn't trying to, I swear."

"Yeah, right," Devi smirks. "I'm just warning you, that's all. I kinda like your face, so it would be a real shame to ruin it."

"You like my face?" Ben smiles, and it makes Devi feel like her heart might beat right out of her chest.

"Kinda. It's a nice face, not bad to look at," Devi shrugs.

"Wow, you're just a walking ego boost aren't you?" Ben says as he reaches out to brush a stray hair from Devi's face. 

"Technically, I'm sitting," Devi argues. 

" _Technically_ , you're still a royal pain in my ass," Ben laughs as his fingertips trail lightly across Devi's cheek. "But seriously, I won't try to kiss you again, okay? I'm really sorry about that, by the - "

"Good," Devi cuts him off and reaches out to grip his free hand. "Because I want our first kiss to be a lot more special than just you drunkenly slobbering all over me." 

Ben sticks his tongue out at her, but he squeezes her hand tightly. "I'm not drunk. I have been drinking, yes, but not so much that alcohol has impaired my judgment in any way. I've literally only had one cup of punch so far."

"I'm glad," Devi tells him. "I'm still not kissing you right now, though. You just nearly had a panic attack and we still need to process whatever this is," she adds, pointing back and forth between them. 

"Yeah, you're right," Ben nods. 

"I'm always right," Devi teases as she releases Ben's hand and reaches out to poke him in the chest.

"So you _do_ want to kiss me, then?" Ben asks. He looks so hopeful that Devi almost gives in to the burning desire to put her mouth on his.

"For someone so smart, you can be pretty oblivious sometimes, Gross."

"Yeah, well, for someone so beautiful, you can be pretty… _pretty_ ," Ben falters as he reaches out to rub Devi's cheek again.

"Eloquent," Devi giggles as she leans into the touch.

"Just so there are no misunderstandings, I am going to need verbal consent from you, Vishwakumar," Ben says seriously. "So do you consent to me kissing you when I'm not a tragic mess?"

"What if I kiss you first?" 

" _David_ ," Ben sighs.

Devi has to laugh at that. Despite this new development between them, it's comforting to know that some things never change. "Yes, Benjamin Gross, I fully consent to you kissing me when you're not a hot mess."

Ben narrows his eyes suspiciously. "I said _tragic_. So, you think I'm hot?"

"Of course that's the part you choose to focus on," Devi rolls her eyes at him. "Typical."

"You didn't disagree," Ben points out.

"I was getting to that part," Devi says, and then immediately regrets her choice of words when Ben's face falls. 

"Oh."

"Ben?" Devi tilts Ben's face up, forcing him to look at her. "Being hot is incredibly superficial, and you're so much more than that."

"Yeah?" Ben beams at her, and Devi is positive that she's never seen anything more beautiful. 

"Yeah," Devi smiles. "I reserve that term for celebrities or unattainable people who I have no real intentions of being with. People I just find physically attractive, basically."

"Like Paxton?" Ben says, and Devi can tell that he isn't joking. She had never quite realized it before, but now she can practically feel the jealousy radiating from him.

"That's complicated," Devi sighs.

"Do you still like him?" Ben prods.

"Not the way I like _you_ ," Devi admits. "Paxton is sweet, and I'm glad we're friends. And I'm especially glad we never hooked up because he was just a crush. Or more accurately," she clarifies, "he was a welcome distraction from all the things going wrong in my life."

"So where do I fit in?" Ben asks softly, as he leans forward and presses his forehead against Devi's.

"Right here," Devi replies, as she takes his hand and puts it over her heart. Carefully, of course, so he doesn't think she's encouraging him to grope her chest. (The fact that she would enjoy that is completely beside the point.) 

"What are you saying?" Ben asks, voice trembling slightly.

"I'm saying that I love you too, Ben. I realized that a little while ago, in fact."

"Care to elaborate?" Ben asks, eyeing her curiously.

Devi pulls back so they're facing each other again. "When I walked into your house earlier, the very first people I ran into were Eleanor and Fab. They made it pretty obvious that they didn't want anything to do with me and I _know_ I've got a lot to make up for. But you know what I wanted to do first?" Devi asks as she laces her fingers with Ben's again. "I wanted to come find _you_. I knew that seeing you would make everything better."

"That sounds an awful lot like a distraction," Ben frowns.

"It is, but not in the same way that being with Paxton was. With him, it was easy to get caught up in the glamour of his popularity and not think about my life too much. But with _you_ ," Devi pauses as she squeezes Ben's hand "there's hardly an aspect of my life that you're not a part of. I don't want to distract myself from the issues I'm dealing with, I want to share them with you. I like talking to you, Ben, because you actually listen to me. We may not have always been the best of friends, but you've always listened when it mattered."

"And that made you realize that you love me?" Ben asks, clearly delighted.

"It was one of the many factors, yes," Devi grins. "It's more than that, though. I've hung out with Paxton a few times now, and I've never had as much fun with him as I did with you when we were washing my dishes together the other night. My _dishes_ , Ben. I've literally been in a room with Paxton while he was shirtless, and I'd still rather do dishes with you. I think that speaks volumes."

"It does," Ben agrees. "I had more fun with you that night than every single collective moment I've ever spent with Shira."

"Shit," Devi hisses as she's struck with the realization that Ben still has a girlfriend. "I completely forgot about - "

"We broke up," Ben interjects quickly. "Tonight, as a matter of fact."

"Holy shit," Devi shouts, a lot louder than she had intended to. "How did that go?"

"Pretty smoothly," Ben tells her. "I went over to Shira's house before the party and told her that things just weren't working out for us anymore."

"And?" Devi gestures for him to continue.

"She took it pretty well," Ben laughs. "She just kept right on doing her makeup, and then asked me which dress I thought she should wear to the party."

"Wait, so _you_ picked out that ugly orange thing she's got on?" Devi snorts.

"She's easily influenced," Ben shrugs. "I just grabbed the first dress I found in her closet and handed it to her before I walked out."

"Remind me to never let you pick out my clothes," Devi smiles. "For the record, I'm not sorry about the breakup, though. Like, even a little bit."

"Neither am I," Ben says. "It should have happened a long time ago, honestly. And anyway, I've kinda had my eye on this other girl for quite a while now," Ben winks.

"Oh yeah?" Devi quirks an amused eyebrow at him. "Since when?"

Ben takes a deep breath before he continues. "Since the fourth grade, actually."

Devi is grateful that she's sitting down because otherwise, she's sure her knees would have given out just then.

" _Fourth_ grade?" Devi gasps. "Ben, what the hell? That was like SIX years ago!" 

"I'm impressed you can count that high without using your fingers," Ben snickers. 

"Ben." Devi glares. "Now it's your turn; elaborate," she demands.

"Remember that time those bullies knocked me off of my bike at the park?" Ben asks.

Devi could never forget that moment. She was playing on the swings when these two older boys showed up and started harassing Ben. He tried to get away from them, but then they caught up to him and shoved him right off of his bike. He ended up sprawled out on the sidewalk, and his bike went flying into some nearby bushes. It hardly suffered a scratch, but Ben's knees got pretty scraped up. He tried his hardest not to cry, but all it took was one sympathetic look from Devi as she came rushing over and Ben started bawling.

 _"My house is right over there,"_ Devi pointed as she slid her hand into Ben's and helped him up. _"You'll be okay,"_ she chirped as she dragged him along. First, they fished his bike out of the bushes, and then she helped him chain it up where it would be safe until they got back.

 _"Come on,"_ she ordered as she grabbed Ben's hand again and held it as they walked over to her house. Her dad was in the backyard, so he didn't even notice when they snuck in. Devi briefly considered asking him for help, but she didn't want to make Ben feel worse by having to explain what happened. So instead, she led Ben to the bathroom and instructed him to sit on the edge of the tub while she carefully bandaged up his knees. Devi had taken her fair share of spills over the years, so she already knew how to properly care for cuts and scrapes. 

_"All better,"_ she had smiled up at him just before reaching into the first aid kit and handing him a red lollipop. Her dad always kept a stash of them hidden in there and he would always surprise Devi by rewarding her with one after she let him clean her up without fussing. 

"Thanks, Devi," Ben had sniffled before wrapping his arms around her and hugging her tightly. He took off about two seconds later, presumably still embarrassed over the whole ordeal, but they never spoke of the moment again. Until now, that is.

"I remember," Devi nods. "That was also the only you've ever hugged me," she notes. 

"You never told anyone," Ben says suddenly. "You could have held that over my head forever, but no one mentioned it at school the next day." 

"I couldn't do it," Devi admits. "Even though we weren't exactly friends, you didn't deserve to be bullied by those dicks. I hated that they did that to you and I just wanted to make you feel better. Even if you did beat me at that math test two days later," she fake-pouts.

"Stop that," Ben laughs "it just makes me want to kiss you even more."

Devi shakes her head. "Not yet. I'm really enjoying our conversation, and if you kiss me, you'll turn my brain to mush."

"I could make so many jokes about that, what, with being your intellectual superior and all," Ben teases "but I won't. How about I tell you another story instead?"

"Please," Devi's face lights up as she waits for Ben to continue. 

"When I got home that same afternoon, I tried to tell my mom about what happened at the park. She was busy packing for one of her seminars though, so she wasn't even paying any attention. So instead, I went up to Patty's room and told her all about it. She quickly figured out that I had a crush on you, so I also ended up telling her all about how smart and pretty you are. And that you always smell like lavender," he adds. "What is that, anyway? You don't wear perfume that I know of." 

"It's my body wash," Devi says. "My mom has been buying the same one for years."

"It smells _really_ good," Ben whispers as he leans in and nuzzles her neck.

"Ben," Devi warns as she pulls back quickly. "You were in the middle of telling me a story, remember?"

"Sorry," Ben blushes "I got distracted."

"If you finish the story, then I'll kiss you," Devi tells him.

"Seriously?" Ben's eyes are wider and bluer than Devi has ever seen them. "Where was I?"

"Telling Patty about me," Devi reminds him as she scoots back to put some space between them. They had moved so much closer, and Devi really doesn't want to rush into anything. Not with Ben.

"Right," Ben nods. "Well that was pretty much the whole story; I just kept gushing about you, and telling Patty that you were the prettiest girl in the world."

"Hardly," Devi says. "But thank you, that's really sweet."

"It's true," Ben disagrees. "Just because we've spent most of our lives being each other's nemeses, that doesn't change the fact that I think you're the most beautiful girl I know. And um, you know how I told you that you shouldn't wear so much makeup?"

Devi shoves him playfully. "Unfortunately."

"It's because you don't _need_ cosmetic enhancement. There are no products on the market that could ever make you look prettier than you already are."

"Ben…" Devi's voice cracks as she flounders for a reply. "That's the sweetest thing anyone's ever said to me."

"Does that mean I earned a kiss?" Ben asks hopefully.

"You certainly did," Devi replies as she cradles his face between her palms and leans in to press a lingering kiss right in the center of his forehead.

"That is _not_ what I had in mind, David," Ben blushes. His cheeks are flushed a delicate rosy pink and he can't help reaching up to touch the spot where Devi's lips were just anchored to.

"What can I say, I'm unpredictable," Devi shrugs. 

"That's one of the many things I love about you," Ben grins.

"I love everything about _you_ , Benjamin Gross."

"That's a complete lie, and you know it," Ben smirks. 

"True," Devi admits "it just sounded romantic, and I'm trying to work this whole 'potential girlfriend' angle, you know?"

"You don't have to try so hard," Ben says as he reaches out to run his fingers through her hair.

"I'll keep that in mind," Devi blushes. "So um, as much as I'd love to stay in here with you all night, I also don't want to hoard all of your time. This is your birthday party, after all. So maybe we should get back to it before Trent gets bored and does something stupid."

"Too late," Ben frowns.

"Oh no," Devi claps a hand over her mouth before removing it quickly. "What did he do?"

"Put his balls in the punch," Ben sighs. "Real juvenile."

"Ew," Devi squeals, "that's disgusting! I hope no one drank it after that!"

"Um," Ben winces "Fabiola almost did, but Eve was able to warn her in time."

"Thank God," Devi sighs in relief. "There isn't enough mouthwash in the world to erase that shame." 

"Crisis averted, thankfully," Ben laughs. "Shall we?" he adds as he springs out of his seat and offers Devi a hand.

"Lead the way," Devi says as she gets to her feet and clasps their hands together.

~*~

"I'm sorry I had to leave so early," Devi says as Ben pulls up to her house about an hour later. Thankfully she's made it home with at least twenty minutes to spare before her mom gets back. 

"It's okay," Ben smiles. "You were the only person I wanted to see anyway, and I had a really great time," he assures her.

"Me too," Devi smiles back at him. "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course," Ben says. "What's up?"

"Did you throw the party because you were jealous of Paxton?" Devi asks bluntly.

That seems to throw Ben for a complete loop. " _What_?"

"Maybe I'm wrong," Devi shrugs "but in class earlier, you said you weren't having a party. Then when Paxton came in and started talking to me, it's like you suddenly changed your mind. I just got a weird vibe, that's all."

"That doesn't mean I was jealous," Ben pouts.

"So you weren't?" Devi pokes him in the side where she knows he's the most ticklish.

"I plead the fifth," Ben glares as he tries to squirm away.

"So that's basically a yes," Devi challenges. 

"Fine," Ben rolls his eyes dramatically " _yes_ , I was. Happy now?"

"Extremely," Devi beams. "Wait," she adds a second later as the realization hits her. "I totally put you on the spot about inviting Paxton, didn't I?"

"Not really," Ben says. "I would have just ended up inviting everyone anyway. Honestly, the party was just a thinly veiled excuse to spend time with you. I didn't really care who came, just as long as you - "

The words immediately die on Ben's lips when he realizes that Devi kissing him. On the mouth this time, slow and soft, with her hands resting lightly on his cheeks for leverage. 

It's over almost as quickly as it had started, and then Devi is pulling away to meet Ben's eyes.

"Happy birthday, Ben."

"Best birthday _ever_ ," Ben smiles, before leaning in and pressing their lips together again. 

Their second kiss is considerably less tentative as Ben slides his tongue into Devi's mouth and kisses her deeply. It's exhilarating because she's never actually kissed anyone before, much less this intensely. She knows Ben has, but she chooses to ignore that thought and focuses on the kiss instead. Ben tastes like the remnants of the birthday cake they had shared before leaving his house and Devi never wants to stop kissing him.

She has to though if she wants to ever see Ben again before they graduate. Her mom will be home any minute now, and Devi definitely doesn't need to be in even more trouble.

"That was worth waiting for," Devi sighs happily as she pulls back and rubs her nose against Ben's. "I'm sorry I have to kiss and run, though. My mom is going to be back any minute now, and she will probably murder us both." 

"At least we would die together," Ben laughs.

"Wow, you've got a dark side," Devi observes. "I like it."

"I like _you_ ," Ben murmurs before leaning in and pecking Devi on the lips again. 

"I thought you loved me?" Devi counters, grinning wildly as she kisses him back. 

"What's with you and this incessant need to be right all the time?" Ben feigns annoyance, though Devi can tell that he's just as happy as she is.

"Just because we made out doesn't mean _you_ get to be right," Devi teases.

"Oh no?" Ben asks as he leans in and presses a trail of soft kisses up her neck.

"Nope," Devi shakes her head but she can feel her knees going weak.

"Are you sure about that?" Ben whispers, right against her lips.

"I hate you," Devi smirks as their lips brush together. 

"Do not," Ben winks when he pulls back. 

"Do so," Devi insists.

"No, you don't," Ben smiles.

"No, I don't," Devi agrees as she drags him into another kiss.

~*~

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!! This is my first NHIE fic since I only just binged the show pretty recently and fell in love with it. All comments are greatly appreciated and you can also find me **[here](http://prettyinsoulpunk.tumblr.com/)** on tumblr too, if you like. :D
> 
> (Ps - I apologize if there are any horrible grammatical errors. It's like 3am and I finally decided to stop editing it to death and just post it.)


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